Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
