am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
