she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
