Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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