I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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