guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
