just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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