I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
