last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
