Don't you send me to vm
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
