What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
