Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my sisters under your porch take her home
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
foreskin is a definite game changer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Randomize
