I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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