my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
