some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
