Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
