he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
