If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
