Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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