I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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