We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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