Whod you bang
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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