I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
