he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
