I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
