you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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