And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
