3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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