He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When are your genitals available?
The Olympian is in my bed
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