i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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