He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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