I booty called her while she was in labor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
