im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
