Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
