Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
