She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
