I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
