Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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