New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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