I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
