We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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