You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
