You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
