There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
