That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
