I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
