Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
