You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
