I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
