please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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