mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
