Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
