I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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