if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
