I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
