no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
