My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
