Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
