how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
